My Personal Outline of the Gospel of Mark

So I'm not going to be able to post this guy on the blog because it was 10 pages long. 

I don't know what I was thinking when I said I was going to post it.  

However, if you are interested in having a copy of this, email me at andygrass100@gmail.com and I will send you a copy.

From Pain to Praise

I want to update you on something that has been going on in my life over the past year.  Some of you know about this, but most of you probably don't.

In January of last year (2011) I began to feel pain in my feet when I got out of bed in the morning.  Some mornings, the pain was so fierce that I struggled to even put my feet on the floor.  During that time, I was also experiencing some semi-consistent pain in my wrist.  My wrist was not a constant problem, but I felt its affects the most when I would shoot a basketball.  I also had some inconsistent pain in both of my shoulders and both of my hips. 

For 3 or 4 months, I continued to go about my life normally and expected that the pain would eventually subside, but it never did.  I researched my pain online and never really found any answers.  In the back of my mind though, I knew what joint pain could possibly mean for me.

My mom has had Rheumatoid Arthritis (an autoimmune disease that attacks the joints) since she was 23 years old.  I have seen her struggle with the disease my whole life.  The pain and swelling that she's experienced has seemed torturous.  She has had surgeries on both of her feet, and just last week she had surgery on her thumb.  She has had to go from medicine to medicine, and the most effective drugs have only seemed to slow down the joint destruction. 

In late April or early May, I went in to see my doctor and friend Jake Wood to have him treat me for a sinus infection.  While there, I mentioned the pain in my feet to him.  His first thought was plantar fasciitis, but he decided that I should have a blood test because of my family history of RA, just to be sure.

Jake called me the next day, and when I answered the phone I could tell by his somber tone that the news was not what he wanted to tell me. 

The crazy thing is that I knew what he was probably about to say to me, but I felt something along with the anxiety. 

It was love.

Just by the tone of Jake's voice, I could tell that he genuinely cared about me.

He told me that I had a positive Rheumatoid factor (which means that I carry the trait for the disease) and my CCP level was high (which is an indicator that I also have the disease).  Along with my symptoms, Jake determined that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, and recommended that I see a Rheumatologist ASAP.

I'm not going to lie, I had a very real sense of dread.

Jake asked me if he could pray for me and then we hung up. I remember just staring up at the sky from my driveway.

I imagined a black cloud hovering over me, getting ready to unleash a defeating, depressing rain.

I know that's dramatic, but that's really what I felt.  The weight of the news felt very heavy because all I could think about was how I had seen my mom struggle with RA.

I felt my future of playing sports slipping away.  I felt my future of playing with my kids, taking them camping, and being their hero slipping away.

I need to take a second right here and say that my mom has fought hard to not allow RA to debilitate her and disqualify her from doing the things that she wants to do.  She is incredibly strong physically, and her will power is baffling.

I called my dad and told him the news, and he was hopeful that a specialist would find something different.

Mom got me in to see her rheumatologist a few days later.  I think the guy had something else on his mind, because he didn't seem to really by focused on examining me.  Polly and I felt that he was very dismissive of us, and he actually made some inaccurate observations.  He dismissed my pain as plantar fasciitis due to flat-footedness.  Well the problem with that diagnosis is that my feet are about as opposite of flat as it gets.  I have a huge arch in my foot. 

He said, "I just don't see it." - referring to arthritis

But he gave me a steroid shot in each leg for some hip pain that had flared up.

We left after he did another blood test (which is not cheap).

Polly and I didn't know what to think.  We had our family practice doctor who cares about us tell us that I have RA, but we had a dismissive rheumatologist tell us that I don't have RA.

We were in limbo, but we were about a week away from Polly's graduation and our move to Alaska, so we couldn't really do anything about it. 

I started to feel pretty good shortly after that. No surprise due to the double shot of steroids I got from the rheumatologist on top of the steroid shot Jake Wood had already given me for my sinus infection.

It's also no surprise that I gained ten pounds over the next 2 months. 

I felt good for about a month and a half, and then the pain in my feet came back with a vengeance.  This time the pain was limited to my toes.  I felt like my toes were broken every single day.  I stopped playing ultimate frisbee, and anything else that would put pressure on my feet.  The pain only got worse. 

My parents came up and visited at the end of the summer. We had a great time with them, but they were able to witness my pain everyday. I could tell that they were concerned, and maybe they started to doubt the opinion of the rheumatologist.

The low point for me was when we were in Dallas in mid August. Polly and I had flown back from Alaska, and we were staying with our friends Christian and Mary Dunn for a couple of days.  Polly and I had been planning for weeks while in Alaska to go shopping at North Park Mall and Mockingbird Station to get her some new clothes.  When we were going to bed the night before, I remember being incredibly depressed.  I was in so much pain that I could barely walk.  I didn't know if I would even be able to walk around the mall with my wife.

My thoughts were: I am a 24 year-old man who is athletic and in pretty decent shape, but I can't even walk around a mall with my 22 year-old wife.  There are 84 year-old men who can walk around a mall with their 82 year-old wives. 

I felt stripped of my health.  I felt debilitated. I felt shameful because of my inadequacy as a husband and as a man. 

Oh yeah, and I felt agonizing pain.

The next morning, the pain was still there.  By God's grace I was able to manage and get around the mall.  Christian asked why I was walking funny.

When we got back to Louisiana, we were staying in Minden.  So I went to see another family practice doctor who also cares about our family. Dr. Earnhardt coached us in baseball when we were 13 and 14, and his father-in-law is Coach Robert Green who is one of our closest family friends.  Coach Earnhardt saw me and did another blood test that included the CCP test (the CCP is a test that has come on the scene within the past ten years and is considered the "ultimate test" for RA).  Coach Earnhardt also gave orders for x-rays of my feet, hips, wrists, hands, and shoulders in order to see if I had any recognizable joint damage. 

The x-rays came back looking like I didn't have any joint damage, but the blood test indicated that I had RA.  It is important to note that at this point, I knew about the results of the x-rays, but I did not know the results of the blood test because Polly and I had left for Branson before the results were back. 

We (me and Polly, my parents, and Dr./Coach Earnhardt) had decided that I needed to see a rheumatologist in Missouri to get a second opinion.

My dad and Coach Earnhardt were the only ones who knew the results of my blood test.

Fortunately, when Polly and I got to Branson, Keith Chancey found a rheumatologist in town who had a great reputation. I got in touch with Dr. Winkler's office, and they requested my information from Dr. Earnhardt's office so they could review it.  They called me a day or so later to confirm an appointment.  The earliest opening they had was January 18.  Dude, it was early in October at this point! I was thinking, "she must be good if her earliest availability is over three months away." 

In the meantime, I started praying about my health a lot.  Polly was praying, both of our parents were praying, the few here in Branson who knew were praying.

Keith Chancey even twisted my arm and made me use his hot tub several times.

I decided that I was going to just suffer through the pain and play basketball and everything else that the people here at the institute were into.  It is too unique of an opportunity to pass on doing the things I love to do. 

I experienced some pain during this time.  Some days were worse than others, and I was recording my pain diligently in my prayer journal.

After some pain I had on November 16, I had no pain all the way up to my appointment with Dr. Winkler.  I had made no lifestyle changes during this period of time.

Keep in mind, Polly and I are still in limbo not knowing whether I actually have RA or not.  Our biggest concern is that we want answers.  If I don't have RA, we want to know what the cause of the pain is.

On January 18, 2012 Polly and I went to see Dr. Winkler.  She was very professional and heard my story.  After listening, she said that based on my story and the blood test results from Dr. Earnhardt, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  However, since I've had no pain since November 16, her opinion is that I am in remission.  She wants to start treating me ASAP in hopes that I will be able to remain in remission.  Dr. Winkler's goal for me is to have me on a remittive drug (google it) for 2 years and then be able to get off medicine and remain in remission.

This was an answer to prayer in a whole lot of ways: 1) Polly and I are no longer in limbo as to why I've had pain. 2) I'm in remission. 3) The meds that I'm on don't have crazy side-effects, and it is safe to have children while I'm on them (just in case God has got a surprise in store for Polly and I). 4) Treatment for RA has become much more advanced in the last 15 years, so I most likely won't have the struggles that the previous generation had. 5) I'M IN REMISSION YALL!! I'M NOT IN PAIN RIGHT NOW!!

Doctors aren't 100% sure why people go into remission or come out of remission, but I am 100% sure of why I went into remission.  The power of prayer is real.  God cares. God loves. God has had compassion on me, and I have been praying that He would.  I learned from Daniel in the Bible that it is okay to appeal to God's compassion.  I never would have thought about that before. 

I also learned from the book of Daniel the "even if" faith that I now have.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3 faced the fiery furnace and said, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter.  If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  BUT IF NOT, be it known to you, O king, that WE WILL NOT serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." (Daniel 3:16-18 ESV).

I will praise God for my health on the days that I put my feet on the floor and don't feel pain, and I will praise Him on the days when I can hardly stand the pain.  I believe that He alone is sovereign and has me in His hands.  Whatever He chooses for me is what I will accept and thank Him for.  I know that He has delivered me from the pain, but even if it comes back my faith will not be shaken.

I just simply refuse to blow this off and not give God the glory for it. 

Before last January, I never thanked God for my health when I got out of bed in the morning. 

My encouragement to you is - do not to wait until you have something taken away to go to God with it.  Praise and thank God for the good things and the painful things in your life.  Please do not take your life for granted, and don't allow the things that God has placed in your life to go to waste.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

Thank you for reading this.

If you want to discuss anything I wrote in this blog post, email me andygrass100@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter @andygrass

  

Triple Threat Position

When I attended basketball clinics growing up, coaches always stressed the proper use of the "triple-threat position."  If you don't know what it is, it is when a player has the ball he or she holds the ball in front of them and has their feet shoulders-width apart and knees slightly bent.  This posture allows the player to easily shoot, pass, or dribble the ball.  Coaches always said that triple-threat position makes you hard to guard. 

Hey if there's anything I've ever wanted to be, it's hard to guard.  Just ask my brother Jeremy.

Speaking of Jeremy, I feel like he uses the triple-threat position better than anyone that I've ever guarded.  Ok. I haven't guarded any NBA players or anything, but I still feel like that's a compliment.

So yeah, if you want to really know how effective triple-threat is, ask the defensive player.

This whole thing was brought to my mind by what I've been studying this week: Trinitarianism.

huh?

The divine Triple-Threat is the Trinity.  God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit are hard to guard. 

I'm not going to try to continue deeper with my analogy because the Trinity breaks down  every analogy that you try to use to explain it.  No, the Holy Spirit is not like dribbling, and Jesus isn't like a jump-shot.

I've heard the Trinity explained using the analogy of water before.  Water is liquid, solid, and vapor.  I agree that water is a unique substance, but it can't fully describe the Trinity.

The Trinity is fully one God who exists fully in three distinct persons.  When water is vapor, it cannot be solid at the same time.  That is where the analogy breaks down.  God is the Father, the Son, and the Spirit all at the same time.

In fact, God is all three at the same time for all time. God is eternal.  There was not a beginning to God, and there is no end to God.

Let me also be clear in saying that I'm talking about the God of the Bible.

It has been good to study about the Trinity, and I'm glad that I can share a little bit of what I'm learning.  I'm in the process of putting together my belief statements on the Trinity and individually God the Father, God the Son, and God the Spirit.  I will post them on the blog when I finish them up in a couple of weeks.

Doing beliefs statements on the Trinity also reminds me of the triple-threat position.  I am defending my belief about three distinct persons of God and the unified God. 

It is work to make the blurriness become clear.  The task can be daunting at times, and I get confused sometimes which makes me feel like giving up. 

BUT

When I was little, my city league basketball team was the Bulls.  Our coaches would see us getting tired toward the end of practice, and they would say, "man or mouse?"  It was their way of saying, don't give up and be a weakling.  That might sound dumb to you, but it was really effective to get me to finish practice with all the energy I had.  I guess it still is effective.  Sometimes, when I want to give up on my pursuit of something tough I think, "man or mouse?"

All that to say, parents need to encourage your children to play sports.  You never know when they will be studying Trinitarianism and need some motivation to press on.

If you want to talk about the Trinity or have any questions, I'd love to hear what you have to say. Email me at andygrass100@gmail.com