First off, I want to apologize for the lack of transitions in this blog. This is the result of some reflecting I did on Sunday afternoon. I really just wrote what I was thinking, so it's more of a stream of consciousness than most of my other posts. Even though I do think that many of my posts have some of that feel to them.
I don't buy into the whole, "I have no regrets" idea. I do wish that I hadn't done a lot of things that I've done. Yes, the case can be made that I wouldn't be who I am today without those things. To that I say, I'd rather be someone who hasn't hurt people in the ways that I have and lead people to do things they had no business doing. I also would rather not have to live with the memories of these things.
I am thankful that Jesus stepped in to take God's punishment for me. Talk about unfair though. God erases evil without erasing people. All because of what Jesus did for humankind. The day that Jesus Christ died is the most important day in human history.
At times when I think about the way I am, my thoughts float between how I don't like the way I am and that God made me like this so there must be a reason I'm like this.
There are also sometimes when memories that I don't often think about invade my thoughts. Random things that I will not forget, but I don't necessarily know what the memories of those experiences mean. Like today in church I started thinking about Sigma Nu pledge retreat. "I will cling to the old rugged cross" made me think of clinging to the tree in the middle of the rocky island in Lake Ouachita, and how I would have rather that trip never happened. I appreciate the active member being nice to me and offering me a sip of whiskey and coke while I was being hazed, but I wish that he would have instead told me that I didn't have to do all that nonsense and it would be a lot easier if I just told the people hazing me to go drown themselves.
MAN, God really scooped me up out of that stuff.
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