Cadillac Vices

I gotta confess some stuff man.

I've got vices.

Talking about some stuff I thought was in my past. 

Turns out I’ve relapsed.

 

Don't freak out.

I'm talking about desires for money, power, fame, respect, car, clothes, friends, status, and general balling abilities.

 Sometimes I will seriously jokingly say that I specialize in "general balling"

 But I'm no baller.  -  Just a dude.

 Yes, God made me unique - and there's some stuff I'm good at.

 But man I have been taking myself too seriously lately. 

 

I thought I was this dude who was done with material dreams and competing with my peers for status.

 Turns out I had just suppressed those desires for a while (by the grace of God).

 

When Polly and I moved to Shreveport, my mom and dad warned us that we could easily get caught up in a competitive culture that revolves around status.

 I was like, "I hear you, but nah not me.  I'm not about that stuff.  I turned down job offers for more money so I could work in non-profit."

 

PRIDE ALERT

 

While there’s truth to those things - my humility ironically became a source of pride. 

false-humility.   DISGUSTING.

 

Lately my thoughts have been CONSUMED with getting ahead.  I'm steady getting hung up with jealousy for my friends' pay-checks.

I'm a manipulator at heart, so I find myself scheming to leverage myself ahead of my peers.

 Being content with where I'm at is a thought that hasn't entered my mind in a while.  

 And I've got to be honest.  All these schemes and thoughts make me feel so sinful.

 I’ve known that it's wrong, but I've been suppressing truth - and buying into the lie that stuff (a house, an investment portfolio, a new car, traveling to cool spots, buying power, and a country club membership) will satisfy me.

All of this reminds me of how much I need Christ.  When I'm left to my own devices, I will be an idiot every time. 

 

Running from sin sucks, but it sucks in a really good way.  I get scared that my life is going to be so depressing if I don't obtain all of these things that I feel entitled to, but the reverse is true… If my life is about obtaining these things - what kind of life is that? What difference have I made?  I just gained man-made stuff.  Is that really a challenge?  Is that what God made me for?

I need God’s help to let go of things that aren’t as important as I make them out to be.

But I've got to be careful that letting go of the desire for status doesn't turn into prideful thoughts when I see people caught in the status race. (Because I'm just as sinful as the ones I pass judgment on).

 

The truth is that I feel least sinful when I put my face on the ground and tell God about how incredible He is and how I'm so grateful that Jesus has offered me salvation from myself.  I've got to constantly pray for God to purge me of sin.

 

I do believe that this is true joy - when I can utter that to live is Christ and to die (even without having had a bunch of cool stuff) would be the hugest come up.