Honoring My Favorite Veteran

In honor of Veterans Day coming up this weekend, I felt that it would be appropriate for me to talk about the most impactful Veteran in my own life.

My mom joined the Air Force right out of college.  She did ROTC at La Tech while she was also in a sorority, in the marching band, and winning intramural badminton championships. Not to mention she studied both art and geography (she also later got her Masters in Education).

That’s a Rhode’s Scholar type resume` (I know this because I once aspired to be a Rhode’s Scholar, but after I looked up the qualifications I decided it was too hard).  Men who’ve gone on to be Presidents of our country have had less on their resume`s coming out of college. I bet Barack’s name is not on any badminton championship trophies.  Furthermore, it is an absolute fact that my mom would wipe out the nations deficit if she had just 1 year in the White House.

If I had to use one word to describe Mom it would be, “strong.”

Those of you who know her can attest to her strong will.  She doesn’t quit when her mind is made up about something.

She is strong physically.  I have mentioned in a previous blog post that she has battled Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was 23 years old.  I hear stories about her playing her guitar Brazilian style when she was in college.  She played and sang in several weddings of her friends.  I remember her playing the guitar when I was young, but as time went on it was too hard on her hands.  Even though she doesn’t play the guitar anymore or play tennis or badminton anymore, she has never once been physically unable to do anything she wanted to do as a mother, school teacher, or homemaker.

My mom doesn’t make excuses.  She follows rules to the T.  She has always had our home in order.  She has always been there for me or my two brothers when we've needed her.  She is a rock.  She is unwaveringly true to her values and her love for our family. 

She is emotionally strong.  Mom has dealt with tragedies in her life since she was young.  Her father died when she was young.  As the oldest of three daughters, she took some of the responsibility of the family on herself.  I’m sure that in a home of 4 females, there were some intensely emotional times.  Maybe that’s why God gave her a home of 4 mostly drama free males to live with as an adult.

Finally, my mom’s love is strong.  I watched the movie “Act of Valor” the other day, and there is a part where a soldier jumps on a grenade to shield the rest of his squadron from the blast.  He sacrificed his own life in order to save 4 or 5 others.  His act of unselfishness reminded me of my mom’s love for our family. My dad sometimes says that he would think about it before he took a bullet for me, but my mom would never hesitate.  I know he is joking, but he is pointing out my mom’s uncompromised love for her sons.

As her child, I feel a little bit guilty for having her as a mother because I know she could’ve helped a lot more people if she would have instead chose to run for President or something. 

I would not be the man I am today if it had not been for my mom.  I will forever thank God for the strong woman who raised me. 

I know that this blog post could not even come close to honoring her the way she deserves (I just don’t have the resources to have a statue built yet), but it will have to do for now.

Mom, if you ever end up reading this (and I assume you probably will), I want you to know that you are an amazing woman.  You have overcome so much in your life.  You have and will continue to leave a legacy of strength and unconditional love in our family.

I love you Mom.

Happy Veterans Day.

Hurt Feelings, Religion and Politics (yikes, right?)

I sometimes click on the borderline over-the-top political (conservative) links that some of you post on social media.

The reason I click on them is because I want to see what people post in response to them. (it seems strange to me that I do this)

Politically, I am an Independent.  However, most of my social media “friends” are Republicans (or at least they are strongly conservative).  But I do also have some social media “friends” who are Democrats (or at least they are strongly liberal).

It seems that some conservatives think that liberals are the sinful scum of the earth.  It also seems that some liberals think that conservatives are the self-righteous scum of the earth.

These groups of “some” on both sides repulse me, so I don’t feel like I could belong in either party.  Of course, I am sure that someone thinks that I am some sort of scum of the earth as well.

Back to my original point about social media posts –

I read derogatory posts about “religious people” that actually hurt my feelings. 

It goes like this

> a conservative/evangelical posts border line over-the-top propaganda that sometimes (but not always) is derogatory toward liberals 

> liberals see it and are offended 

> liberals lash out at conservatives/evangelicals calling them all sorts of derogatory things, and many of these derogatory things involve Christianity 

> ALL of these things make me sad – the conservative/evangelical posts and the liberal posts.

But it’s really the Christian haters that upset me.

Time out:

-          I used to be one of the people who shunned words like “religion” and “Christianity,” (I was a “it’s not a religion, it’s a relationship” guy) because I was ashamed of the way “other people” who go to church and claim to be Christians were not truly sold out to the gospel.  That was an arrogant stance on my part, and I have felt convicted about that.  While I do not wish to be “religious” in the ways Pharisees or Scribes were religious, I am a religious person who is a Christian and loves Jesus.  I consider myself sold out, but the truth is – I probably misrepresent Christ just as much as the average “church goer.”

Ok, time in…

These posts that I read aren’t even directed specifically at me which makes me feel frustrated wthat I am offended by them instead of just blowing them off.

I typically use this blog to process my thoughts as I work thru something so here it goes:

My feelings are hurt because I feel like these insults are directed at the Most High God who is my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am fairly open-minded about most everything (I say this with the realization that in reality I may be more close-minded than I think).

However, one thing that I choose to be unmovable on is the Most High God.

(I am also unmovable in my opinion that Kanye West is a moron and his music should somehow be destroyed forever and ever).

----So my feelings are hurt because my Savior who is the delight of my life is being misrepresented.

I’ve experienced reconciliation thru Jesus that has generated true passion in my life.

His unconditional love for me brings me to my knees.  His mercy overwhelms me.  His grace gives me peace and rest.  Even in my own struggles and irresponsibility, He runs out to meet me with a robe and a ring for my finger.  Not because He doesn’t care what I do, but because He cares that I am His.

When I feel shame and guilt, He welcomes me in to His presence like a child who was lost but now is found. Not because he delights in my sin, but because I am His – and His love makes me clean. 

He does not require me to clean up myself.  He took care of that for me, and my gratitude for that makes me give my best efforts to honor Him.  I don’t always get it right, but that doesn’t surprise Him.

So my hurt feelings are because Jesus is being rejected.

I do not remember the actual words that are posted about Christians or “religious people” being scum of the earth.

But the posts have gotten to be so hateful, it is not that much of a stretch for them to remind me of a crowd shouting, “CRUCIFY HIM!”

The Pursuit of Happiness ((Really?))

There is something about the celebration of July 4^th that just feels so right, doesn’t it?

I read the Declaration of Independence recently. It sparked some curious thoughts. (punny right?)

The pursuit of happiness is one of our “unalienable rights” as Americans.  

As a fan of the Dec of Ind, I typically swell with pride at the reading of our “unalienable rights” which are "endowed by our Creator." We all like the rebellious part of our country’s history though, don’t we?

The phrase “the pursuit of happiness,” however, leaves the reader with a feeling of ambiguity because the writers don’t define happiness or what the pursuit of it looks like.  

Although, if happiness was freedom from the British government and the pursuit of it was forming up ranks against red-coats or dumping crates of tea in Boston harbor – I would have been hesitant to write such things on papers that contained my signature too.

I’m getting off subject – so this is my on-ramp back to the highway of making my point.

I recently heard a friend talk about moving away from where they currently live as their pursuit of happiness. 

The basic belief that they were communicating was that happiness is waiting for them in a different place, and moving to that place is the pursuit of it.  

They mentioned their idea of why they felt it was important for them to move and their plan to enjoy that happiness in the new area; similar to the way Polly and I felt before our recent move.

However, my feelings have changed quite a bit in the past few days of thinking and reading.

Stay with me. This is my point:

My conviction is that happiness is not somewhere hiding and waiting for us to come find it. 

I think that when we engage in a quest to find/achieve/pursue happiness – we find idols of affection that may satisfy a want or need momentarily but eventually become unsatisfying. 

Sometimes the idol creates an even bigger hole of discontentment because of disappointment.

As hallowed as we consider the Dec of Ind. to be with it's entitlements - 

Truthfully, happiness and the pursuit of it have not been endowed to us by our Creator.

While the sentiment of "our Creator" is quaint following the desired entitlements of our heroic colonists, the ideology is not indicative of a correct understanding of God's character in scripture. 

While our Creator does desire for us to be happy -

True happiness is the result of a person understanding the laughably-serious irony that our Creator is in fact pursuing us.  

When we make this adjustment to our perspective, I believe that a smile of contentment will slowly spread over our entire lives.

It’s Alive!

Last week I was fortunate to have the opportunity to lead a group of some of our donors on a tour of several United Way affiliated agencies. 

We toured agencies that provide a wide range of services – from elderly care to day care, and from homeless shelters to after school programs.

It’s really quite astounding when I think about the range of services that our network of agencies provide.

The tour was a lot of fun because I was able to connect employees at a large company with the hands on work that is sustained by their donations.

However, I think the overall takeaway was the first-hand experience with the living and working organism that is the non-profit world in Shreveport-Bossier.

We all sometimes forget that while we are in our own world at work and at home, there are people and organizations in the trenches battling huge problems in our community.  It is amazing to go to some of these organizations and see people actually at work changing lives every day. 

I will admit that there are times when I get discouraged about what I do.  When all I see around me are huge social problems that seem to only grow larger, it does me good to go out and see work being done and lives being changed.

One of my goals in life is to change the world, and that is largely why I chose this job.  Days like the one last week keep me motivated to keep working hard because every time a person chooses to give to the United Way, not only have I helped change the world – but I’ve also helped that donor seize an opportunity to change the world. 

It’s important for me to remember that when I am out raising money, I’m not taking something from people – I’m giving them an opportunity to make a difference.

And I can do that with a clear conscience because I have seen first-hand that our network of agencies is alive and at work.

Cadillac Vices

I gotta confess some stuff man.

I've got vices.

Talking about some stuff I thought was in my past. 

Turns out I’ve relapsed.

 

Don't freak out.

I'm talking about desires for money, power, fame, respect, car, clothes, friends, status, and general balling abilities.

 Sometimes I will seriously jokingly say that I specialize in "general balling"

 But I'm no baller.  -  Just a dude.

 Yes, God made me unique - and there's some stuff I'm good at.

 But man I have been taking myself too seriously lately. 

 

I thought I was this dude who was done with material dreams and competing with my peers for status.

 Turns out I had just suppressed those desires for a while (by the grace of God).

 

When Polly and I moved to Shreveport, my mom and dad warned us that we could easily get caught up in a competitive culture that revolves around status.

 I was like, "I hear you, but nah not me.  I'm not about that stuff.  I turned down job offers for more money so I could work in non-profit."

 

PRIDE ALERT

 

While there’s truth to those things - my humility ironically became a source of pride. 

false-humility.   DISGUSTING.

 

Lately my thoughts have been CONSUMED with getting ahead.  I'm steady getting hung up with jealousy for my friends' pay-checks.

I'm a manipulator at heart, so I find myself scheming to leverage myself ahead of my peers.

 Being content with where I'm at is a thought that hasn't entered my mind in a while.  

 And I've got to be honest.  All these schemes and thoughts make me feel so sinful.

 I’ve known that it's wrong, but I've been suppressing truth - and buying into the lie that stuff (a house, an investment portfolio, a new car, traveling to cool spots, buying power, and a country club membership) will satisfy me.

All of this reminds me of how much I need Christ.  When I'm left to my own devices, I will be an idiot every time. 

 

Running from sin sucks, but it sucks in a really good way.  I get scared that my life is going to be so depressing if I don't obtain all of these things that I feel entitled to, but the reverse is true… If my life is about obtaining these things - what kind of life is that? What difference have I made?  I just gained man-made stuff.  Is that really a challenge?  Is that what God made me for?

I need God’s help to let go of things that aren’t as important as I make them out to be.

But I've got to be careful that letting go of the desire for status doesn't turn into prideful thoughts when I see people caught in the status race. (Because I'm just as sinful as the ones I pass judgment on).

 

The truth is that I feel least sinful when I put my face on the ground and tell God about how incredible He is and how I'm so grateful that Jesus has offered me salvation from myself.  I've got to constantly pray for God to purge me of sin.

 

I do believe that this is true joy - when I can utter that to live is Christ and to die (even without having had a bunch of cool stuff) would be the hugest come up.

Honoring My Favorite Veteran: The Legacy of Love

In honor of Veterans Day coming up this weekend, I felt that it would be appropriate for me to talk about the most impactful Veteran in my own life.

My mom joined the Air Force right out of college.  She did ROTC at La Tech while she was also in a sorority, in the marching band, and winning intramural badminton championships. Not to mention she studied both art and geography (she also later got her Masters in Education).

That’s a Rhode’s Scholar type resume` (I know this because I once aspired to be a Rhode’s Scholar, but after I looked up the qualifications I decided it was too hard).  Men who’ve gone on to be Presidents of our country have had less on their resume`s coming out of college. I bet Barack’s name is not on any badminton championship trophies.  Furthermore, it is an absolute fact that my mom would wipe out the nations deficit if she had just 1 year in the White House.

If I had to use one word to describe Mom it would be, “strong.”

Those of you who know her can attest to her strong will.  She doesn’t quit when her mind is made up about something.

She is strong physically.  I have mentioned in a previous blog post that she has battled Rheumatoid Arthritis since she was 23 years old.  I hear stories about her playing her guitar Brazilian style when she was in college.  She played and sang in several weddings of her friends.  I remember her playing the guitar when I was young, but as time went on it was too hard on her hands.  Even though she doesn’t play the guitar anymore or play tennis or badminton anymore, she has never once been physically unable to do anything she wanted to do as a mother, school teacher, or homemaker.

My mom doesn’t make excuses.  She follows rules to the T.  She has always had our home in order.  She has always been there for me or my two brothers when we’ve needed her.  She is a rock.  She is unwaveringly true to her values and her love for our family. 

She is emotionally strong.  Mom has dealt with tragedies in her life since she was young.  Her father died when she was young.  As the oldest of three daughters, she took some of the responsibility of the family on herself.  I’m sure that in a home of 4 females, there were some intensely emotional times.  Maybe that’s why God gave her a home of 4 mostly drama free males to live with as an adult.

Finally, my mom’s love is strong.  I watched the movie “Act of Valor” the other day, and there is a part where a soldier jumps on a grenade to shield the rest of his squadron from the blast.  He sacrificed his own life in order to save 4 or 5 others.  His act of unselfishness reminded me of my mom’s love for our family. My dad sometimes says that he would think about it before he took a bullet for me, but my mom would never hesitate.  I know he is joking, but he is pointing out my mom’s uncompromised love for her sons.

As her child, I feel a little bit guilty for having her as a mother because I know she could’ve helped a lot more people if she would have instead chose to run for President or something. 

I would not be the man I am today if it had not been for my mom.  I will forever thank God for the strong woman who raised me. 

I know that this blog post could not even come close to honoring her the way she deserves (I just don’t have the resources to have a statue built yet), but it will have to do for now.

Mom, if you ever end up reading this (and I assume you probably will), I want you to know that you are an amazing woman.  You have overcome so much in your life.  You have and will continue to leave a legacy of strength and unconditional love in our family.

I love you Mom.

 

Happy Veterans Day.

What is Haunting Andy Pendergrass? (2012. a short story)

When I was fueling my car up this morning, I decided to fuel my body as well – so I go inside the gas station for a Lo Carb Monster of course.

Well as I am on my way to the counter, I smell something incredible.

This delicious aroma was coming from the freshly stocked fried food shelf (I think I faintly heard my inner Jiminy Cricket groan “oh no say it aint so”).

So as I go completely conscience deaf, I’m seeing crispitos, egg rolls, butterflied shrimp, buffalo wings, and then there they were… freshly steaming Natchitoches meat pies (yes, NMPs).

Not the mini ones either-- Full Monty pies.

I couldn’t resist the steam coming off of those puppies.

Oh and that greasy sheen was so tantalizing.

I grabbed the best looking one in my little wax paper sleeve, and as I walked out into the briskly cool morning – that fried spicy pocket of meat melted in my mouth.

Now that will be a moment that I remember for a long time.

Yet as I spend the better part of my third hour on the toilet, I’m thinking that there will always be a little twinge of regret to go along with that memory.

So whenever this happens to you, don’t say I never told you about the how the gas station Natchitoches meat pie will haunt you for the rest of the day.

Happy Halloween.

My Take on the Election

Election time is here, and I couldn’t be more ready to see it pass. 

I know many of you feel the same way because for every political status update I see, there are 10 status updates about how you despise political status updates.

My enthusiasm about the election is small, although I do believe that it is important.

Recently, I actually took a few weeks to decide how I really felt about voting in general.  I have thought many times that my vote doesn’t matter, and maybe if it comes to voting for a Mormon or a Polytheist, I just shouldn’t vote.

However, I came to the conclusion that I should in fact vote, and I should also involve myself in learning about the candidates.  Obviously, becoming obsessed with politics was not a goal or an actual outcome.

I decided to involve myself because of our country’s history and the history that is in the Old Testament.

The folks who came over to America to start a new colony were seeking religious freedom.  More specifically, they were seeking to freely worship the God of the Bible.

Our country later separated itself from Great Britain in order to have political/governmental freedom (the whole taxation w/out representation thing was a big deal). – and that’s really where we get the whole, “if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about the government,” thing.

Well I don’t often complain about the government, but I do feel a sense of responsibility to honor our country’s founders.  I think they were such courageous and brilliant people.  I think that when they envisioned the future, they pictured people who would be very appreciative to have their own personal say in the governing of the USA. 

I kinda feel like a jerk for having not appreciated it enough until now.

So yeah, there are things that I like and dislike about both candidates.  After all, I’m a registered “Independent.” I do like Romney a bit more than I like Obama, but there are a couple of things that I like about Obama.  I dislike some things he’s done enough to not vote for him.  If he gets re-elected , however, my panties won’t be in a wad.  (if you’re a rabid Obama fan, don’t bother trying to persuade me because I already went and did early voting yesterday).

I can’t foresee what the future of our country will be with either candidate.  I’m not an economic expert, a foreign policy expert, an education expert (or an expert on anything for that matter).  So I’m making the best decision with the information I have (which doesn’t come from FOX or CNN).

I trust that God is at work no matter what man or woman is leading our country.  The Old Testament is very clear that God has certain people in power at certain times for certain reasons unbeknownst to mere humans.

I am ultimately faithful to God, and I choose vote to honor our country’s forefathers out of respect for their courage and brilliance.

BACK HOME

Check it out, I apparently haven't posted since October...ouch.

Shoot I apparently haven't even gotten online on anything except my phone in a month or two.  So I'm just now breaking my iPad back out, and theres a few small red drops on my keyboard...I'm trying to remember if I had a nose bleed the last time I using this.

Anyway, a lot has happened since October. And I know my posts in the Fall probably weren't the most compelling reads because they were mostly assignments. 

That said, they were very valuable assignments for my development as a believer in Christ.

So a little update on where life has taken Polly and I - we've landed on our feet (barely) in Shreveport, Louisiana. As most of you know, we moved to Alaska last summer, and then enrolled in a Bible Institute in Missouri last fall.  We graduated from the Institute in April, and worked at a summer christian sports camp for inner-city high schoolers until July 7th. 

On Monday, July 9th we started renting an apartment in Shreveport.  I will start a job (my first "real job") with the United Way as a campaign coordinator on August 6th.  I'm excited!  Polly is hoping to land a job teaching at an elementary school.  She's excited!

After visiting Denver, Oklahoma City and seriously considering New Orleans, Polly and I felt that we were supposed to move to Shreveport.

I never thought I would move here, and I especially never thought I would be pumped about it.  I'm here though, and I don't think I would be as excited to live anywhere else (yeah, even Juneau) because we know that this is where we are supposed to be. Several people back home and in Juneau have expressed disappointment that we didn't head back north, and I'd say we definitely left part of our hearts up there.

We've fiercely missed Louisiana tho.  

So now Polly and I are finishing up moving in, and I'm working on being less selfish and more romantic.

I absolutely adore my wife - I'm just needing to grow in the way I serve her. #realtalkforasec

So get in touch with us if you are in Shreveport.  We'd love to hangout.  We also love mail, which you could send to our new address: 257 1/2 Kings Hwy, Shreveport, LA, 71055. >>>don't drop by unannounced because unannounced visitors get greeted w a 45.   #notagoodlook

The Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit is something that has been mysterious to me for a long time. 

Yes, I read (most of) Francis Chan's book about the Holy Spirit, but I don't remember anything in that book.  I don't even remember what the title was.  It had a gray and orange cover though...

Studying the Holy Spirit at the Institute is something that I have been looking forward to.

The Spirit is still a mystery to me, but I do have a better understanding of it.  I also understand now that mysteriousness comes from our inability as humans to fully understand God.

I did learn some new things though.

One thing that really interested me this week while studying the Holy Spirit, was how we can see the Holy Spirit as a person in scripture.  I used to refer to the HS as a "part" of the Trinity.  I need to quit saying it like that because He is a one of three "persons" that makes up the Trinity.

I am now able to see qualities of a person in scripture like the "intelligence" of the Holy Spirit in 1 Corinthians 2:10-11.  Other qualities can be seen like "feelings" in Ephesians 4:30 and "will" in 1 Corinthians 12:11.

This stuff is really enlightening for me.

I also got to see how the Holy Spirit works.  He teaches, guides, commissions, commands, restrains, intercedes, and speaks.  Aren't those things that would describe a person?

Then you've got things that are ascribed to the Holy spirit like that He can be obeyed, lied to, resisted, reverenced, blasphemed, grieved, outraged.  This list is awesome because it has things that show the Spirit as a person, but it also shows that He is God because He can be "reverenced and blasphemed."

There are other things in scripture that also let us know that the Holy Spirit is God.  We see the Holy Spirit being omniscient (1 Cor 2:10-11), omnipresent (Psalm 139:7), omnipotent (Genesis 1:2), regenerating (John 3:5-6), and sanctifying (2 Thessalonians 2:13).

My mind gets blown by the things that scripture tells us when we take the time to be diligent and study it.  God's word really does reveal answers to the questions that we have about who God is. 

This week, my main take-away is that I know God better.

My prayer is that I would continue to know God better each week for the rest of my life.

My Personal Outline of the Gospel of Mark

So I'm not going to be able to post this guy on the blog because it was 10 pages long. 

I don't know what I was thinking when I said I was going to post it.  

However, if you are interested in having a copy of this, email me at andygrass100@gmail.com and I will send you a copy.

From Pain to Praise

I want to update you on something that has been going on in my life over the past year.  Some of you know about this, but most of you probably don't.

In January of last year (2011) I began to feel pain in my feet when I got out of bed in the morning.  Some mornings, the pain was so fierce that I struggled to even put my feet on the floor.  During that time, I was also experiencing some semi-consistent pain in my wrist.  My wrist was not a constant problem, but I felt its affects the most when I would shoot a basketball.  I also had some inconsistent pain in both of my shoulders and both of my hips. 

For 3 or 4 months, I continued to go about my life normally and expected that the pain would eventually subside, but it never did.  I researched my pain online and never really found any answers.  In the back of my mind though, I knew what joint pain could possibly mean for me.

My mom has had Rheumatoid Arthritis (an autoimmune disease that attacks the joints) since she was 23 years old.  I have seen her struggle with the disease my whole life.  The pain and swelling that she's experienced has seemed torturous.  She has had surgeries on both of her feet, and just last week she had surgery on her thumb.  She has had to go from medicine to medicine, and the most effective drugs have only seemed to slow down the joint destruction. 

In late April or early May, I went in to see my doctor and friend Jake Wood to have him treat me for a sinus infection.  While there, I mentioned the pain in my feet to him.  His first thought was plantar fasciitis, but he decided that I should have a blood test because of my family history of RA, just to be sure.

Jake called me the next day, and when I answered the phone I could tell by his somber tone that the news was not what he wanted to tell me. 

The crazy thing is that I knew what he was probably about to say to me, but I felt something along with the anxiety. 

It was love.

Just by the tone of Jake's voice, I could tell that he genuinely cared about me.

He told me that I had a positive Rheumatoid factor (which means that I carry the trait for the disease) and my CCP level was high (which is an indicator that I also have the disease).  Along with my symptoms, Jake determined that I had Rheumatoid Arthritis, and recommended that I see a Rheumatologist ASAP.

I'm not going to lie, I had a very real sense of dread.

Jake asked me if he could pray for me and then we hung up. I remember just staring up at the sky from my driveway.

I imagined a black cloud hovering over me, getting ready to unleash a defeating, depressing rain.

I know that's dramatic, but that's really what I felt.  The weight of the news felt very heavy because all I could think about was how I had seen my mom struggle with RA.

I felt my future of playing sports slipping away.  I felt my future of playing with my kids, taking them camping, and being their hero slipping away.

I need to take a second right here and say that my mom has fought hard to not allow RA to debilitate her and disqualify her from doing the things that she wants to do.  She is incredibly strong physically, and her will power is baffling.

I called my dad and told him the news, and he was hopeful that a specialist would find something different.

Mom got me in to see her rheumatologist a few days later.  I think the guy had something else on his mind, because he didn't seem to really by focused on examining me.  Polly and I felt that he was very dismissive of us, and he actually made some inaccurate observations.  He dismissed my pain as plantar fasciitis due to flat-footedness.  Well the problem with that diagnosis is that my feet are about as opposite of flat as it gets.  I have a huge arch in my foot. 

He said, "I just don't see it." - referring to arthritis

But he gave me a steroid shot in each leg for some hip pain that had flared up.

We left after he did another blood test (which is not cheap).

Polly and I didn't know what to think.  We had our family practice doctor who cares about us tell us that I have RA, but we had a dismissive rheumatologist tell us that I don't have RA.

We were in limbo, but we were about a week away from Polly's graduation and our move to Alaska, so we couldn't really do anything about it. 

I started to feel pretty good shortly after that. No surprise due to the double shot of steroids I got from the rheumatologist on top of the steroid shot Jake Wood had already given me for my sinus infection.

It's also no surprise that I gained ten pounds over the next 2 months. 

I felt good for about a month and a half, and then the pain in my feet came back with a vengeance.  This time the pain was limited to my toes.  I felt like my toes were broken every single day.  I stopped playing ultimate frisbee, and anything else that would put pressure on my feet.  The pain only got worse. 

My parents came up and visited at the end of the summer. We had a great time with them, but they were able to witness my pain everyday. I could tell that they were concerned, and maybe they started to doubt the opinion of the rheumatologist.

The low point for me was when we were in Dallas in mid August. Polly and I had flown back from Alaska, and we were staying with our friends Christian and Mary Dunn for a couple of days.  Polly and I had been planning for weeks while in Alaska to go shopping at North Park Mall and Mockingbird Station to get her some new clothes.  When we were going to bed the night before, I remember being incredibly depressed.  I was in so much pain that I could barely walk.  I didn't know if I would even be able to walk around the mall with my wife.

My thoughts were: I am a 24 year-old man who is athletic and in pretty decent shape, but I can't even walk around a mall with my 22 year-old wife.  There are 84 year-old men who can walk around a mall with their 82 year-old wives. 

I felt stripped of my health.  I felt debilitated. I felt shameful because of my inadequacy as a husband and as a man. 

Oh yeah, and I felt agonizing pain.

The next morning, the pain was still there.  By God's grace I was able to manage and get around the mall.  Christian asked why I was walking funny.

When we got back to Louisiana, we were staying in Minden.  So I went to see another family practice doctor who also cares about our family. Dr. Earnhardt coached us in baseball when we were 13 and 14, and his father-in-law is Coach Robert Green who is one of our closest family friends.  Coach Earnhardt saw me and did another blood test that included the CCP test (the CCP is a test that has come on the scene within the past ten years and is considered the "ultimate test" for RA).  Coach Earnhardt also gave orders for x-rays of my feet, hips, wrists, hands, and shoulders in order to see if I had any recognizable joint damage. 

The x-rays came back looking like I didn't have any joint damage, but the blood test indicated that I had RA.  It is important to note that at this point, I knew about the results of the x-rays, but I did not know the results of the blood test because Polly and I had left for Branson before the results were back. 

We (me and Polly, my parents, and Dr./Coach Earnhardt) had decided that I needed to see a rheumatologist in Missouri to get a second opinion.

My dad and Coach Earnhardt were the only ones who knew the results of my blood test.

Fortunately, when Polly and I got to Branson, Keith Chancey found a rheumatologist in town who had a great reputation. I got in touch with Dr. Winkler's office, and they requested my information from Dr. Earnhardt's office so they could review it.  They called me a day or so later to confirm an appointment.  The earliest opening they had was January 18.  Dude, it was early in October at this point! I was thinking, "she must be good if her earliest availability is over three months away." 

In the meantime, I started praying about my health a lot.  Polly was praying, both of our parents were praying, the few here in Branson who knew were praying.

Keith Chancey even twisted my arm and made me use his hot tub several times.

I decided that I was going to just suffer through the pain and play basketball and everything else that the people here at the institute were into.  It is too unique of an opportunity to pass on doing the things I love to do. 

I experienced some pain during this time.  Some days were worse than others, and I was recording my pain diligently in my prayer journal.

After some pain I had on November 16, I had no pain all the way up to my appointment with Dr. Winkler.  I had made no lifestyle changes during this period of time.

Keep in mind, Polly and I are still in limbo not knowing whether I actually have RA or not.  Our biggest concern is that we want answers.  If I don't have RA, we want to know what the cause of the pain is.

On January 18, 2012 Polly and I went to see Dr. Winkler.  She was very professional and heard my story.  After listening, she said that based on my story and the blood test results from Dr. Earnhardt, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.  However, since I've had no pain since November 16, her opinion is that I am in remission.  She wants to start treating me ASAP in hopes that I will be able to remain in remission.  Dr. Winkler's goal for me is to have me on a remittive drug (google it) for 2 years and then be able to get off medicine and remain in remission.

This was an answer to prayer in a whole lot of ways: 1) Polly and I are no longer in limbo as to why I've had pain. 2) I'm in remission. 3) The meds that I'm on don't have crazy side-effects, and it is safe to have children while I'm on them (just in case God has got a surprise in store for Polly and I). 4) Treatment for RA has become much more advanced in the last 15 years, so I most likely won't have the struggles that the previous generation had. 5) I'M IN REMISSION YALL!! I'M NOT IN PAIN RIGHT NOW!!

Doctors aren't 100% sure why people go into remission or come out of remission, but I am 100% sure of why I went into remission.  The power of prayer is real.  God cares. God loves. God has had compassion on me, and I have been praying that He would.  I learned from Daniel in the Bible that it is okay to appeal to God's compassion.  I never would have thought about that before. 

I also learned from the book of Daniel the "even if" faith that I now have.  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in Daniel 3 faced the fiery furnace and said, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter.  If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  BUT IF NOT, be it known to you, O king, that WE WILL NOT serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." (Daniel 3:16-18 ESV).

I will praise God for my health on the days that I put my feet on the floor and don't feel pain, and I will praise Him on the days when I can hardly stand the pain.  I believe that He alone is sovereign and has me in His hands.  Whatever He chooses for me is what I will accept and thank Him for.  I know that He has delivered me from the pain, but even if it comes back my faith will not be shaken.

I just simply refuse to blow this off and not give God the glory for it. 

Before last January, I never thanked God for my health when I got out of bed in the morning. 

My encouragement to you is - do not to wait until you have something taken away to go to God with it.  Praise and thank God for the good things and the painful things in your life.  Please do not take your life for granted, and don't allow the things that God has placed in your life to go to waste.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

Thank you for reading this.

If you want to discuss anything I wrote in this blog post, email me andygrass100@gmail.com

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